17 Days...

Since you've passed away.

and 1,635,428 .times I've shaken my head and said "damn" to myself since hearing the news about it. Damn Heartbroken. Before I continue I'd like to apologize for the brevity of this post. This has been a tough pill for me to swallow. I understand that Life and death interconnected, one in the same. I've done plenty of reading on both subjects. My own experiences with death have been quite beautiful as of late, I've been very accepting to the circle of life and very open to finding the beauty in passing. This doesn't mean I shut off any emotions or push down any feelings I might have, no, I allow myself to mourn, it's part of the process. We are human beings and we feel because we fuckin feel. but Just when I think I am beginning to comprehend the spectrum of life and death something like this happens. Damn. This is fuckin big. On so many levels, across so many planes, this is big. A lot of people are feeling right now, still. A purple light shines across the globe beaming into universe this very second signifying how much you meant to us, Humanity. My heart aches writing this. But I must get it out. I loved Prince. I was raised on Prince, my sister introduced me to his music at a very young age and when exiting my adolescence, entering young adulthood, to this very day he has played a very important role in who I am as a person and what I do on this planet. For one. Prince never sold out. He stuck to his guns and forged his way. True and true to the core. Undeniable. His role behind closed doors was even more special. A true philanthropist, always helping the community, educating the masses, spreading a collective. Peace. Love. And Harmony. Yo, I just thought of something that would really make my heart happy right about now: What if.. Prince faked this whole thing because he was just up on some super knowledge about all this bummshit we're dealing with right now on this planet, bounced to Tupac's private island and both are now cutting a sick ass album together to smack the funkn soul back into the masses and shut down all this wack-ness once and for all. Please God Jesus. Let this be true. I know this might be playing out in some alternate dimension but lord let it be right now. Believing he's still out there somewhere gives me hope that my dream of collaborating with him on something would happen. Faaaaaaaaaak. This sucks dude.

He can't be gone, he just can't. The world is in such a fragile state, We need him more now than ever. This is really surreal. I shut down listening to anything the past few days, but the universe insist I hear every track of the Purple Rain soundtrack play on repeat in my brain.. (especially the final ride out of the title track as I envision the Purple One himself cruising off on his chopper to that good gig in the sky) Damn. I am still in shock & at a total loss. When I hear the guitar kick in, and his voice hit the high note, I damn near get misty eyed everytime. A man today was driving an OG Back to the Future Delorean blasting Purple Rain and all I could do was stare at the sun, hold my hands up in praise and held back the tears while he waited at the light. The homie looked over and honked cuz he knew what's up. Prince united people. He brought us all together. There's no one like him, and no one comes close. No one. The epitome of of all things funk, soul, sexy magic, Prince was truly in a world of his own and I am so blessed and thankful that I got to enter that world first hand. Seeing the man in action at Oracle was a once in a lifetime opportunity and to experience that magnificent performer mesmerize and captivate and an entire arena, was simply breathtaking. I've never felt what I felt the night of his concert, to put it in words: it was pure joy. Damn.. I didn't even personally you homes and I miss you like we made magic together for years. That's who you were to people, well I can't speak for people so I'll speak for me. That's who you were to me Prince. You gave me hope. Even when I didn't think I was cool, I felt cool cuz you were fuckin cool man. I mean. There are so many songs of yours that I consider to be forever linked to the soundtrack of my life. On repeat. Your music defined many eras of my existence thus far. For millions like myself, you've provided the world a soundtrack that will forever move the soul and awaken the spirit. You've given us songs that make a mf want to love hard, get up and dance like no ones watching, or feel what needs to be felt. Damn! I still can't believe it. I have one regret in my entire life and here is my confession: I regret the day I had a chance to go up to you and say a few words, and didn't. Not because I didn't want to, but because I got nervous. This is fuckin terrible but oh well, here's a story. I was working one night at The Room in Hollywood one night when you graced us with your presence. I was told to keep the secret. Carlos and Monica had me lock down your area and not tell anyone including the owners that you were showing up. "Wait, Prince is coming here!?! Tonigh?!?" You have my fuckin word I won't say anything, shit, jinx the possibility of fuckin PRINCE showing up?? No way Jose! I fuckin love that man you have my word, I ain't sayin shit. And not a word I spoke. 10:30, 11, 11:30 The energy is mysteriously building. Jams are on, drinks are flying, everyone is getting down, not one person in that place is standing still even security is feelin it.. 11:45 the place is fuckin live "I Wanna Be Your Lover" comes on Everyone loses their minds, hands in the air, love is all around. Carlos calls me over "E! Yo Eric!.. Prince is in the building" I damn near lost my shit. Internally of course I mean I was trying to keep my shit together be professional and not get star struck. I let the girls know he was in and they all went nuts, I've never seen a place that live before. We were all dancing, having thee most fun ever. 12:45 There's a shift. The place is still live but something is different. I ask Tendaji if you were still here and he said he thought you might be getting ready to bounce because hella paparazzi showed up out front. I knew it, I felt it. Fuck it, here's my chance. "Audra can you watch the bar, I'll be right back" This was the moment I was waiting for, a life long dream. It was you and I. The entire club was in the building but for that moment it was just you and I. All I wanted to do was thank you and say hi. I was working cherry poppin, you were about to leave. I knew it, I felt it in my bones. The energy was dissipating, I was anticipating what to say but I knew you were leaving I could feel it and needed to move fast. Courage flowing through my veins brought me your way. A head of steam as I made it through the crowd. The lights were flashing, Tailwind killin the decks. I saw you at the last booth, alone. the closer I got you began to stand and put on your glasses as to make your exit. The courage now making its way through my stomach up and outward to my chest. As you were putting on your shades you stopped midway to lock in on my eyes freezing me dead in my tracks I smiled. I looked straight at this brilliant man, with a world of information, knowledge and creativity flowing through my veins waiting..wanting to be discovered and tapped into by a being of his genius. Two forces of nature together in the same room, a moment forever frozen in time. It felt as if that stare lasted an eternity. His gaze pierced through my very being. Glasses half on, his eyes staring at me over the top of them.. I'm not gonna lie, Something kinda shook me. That courage of which I spoke of earlier quickly dissolved and I was all of a sudden a third grade school girl. I waved. All kinds of something came over me, Overwhelmed with nerves, I fuckin waved? 4 feet away from me, all I had to do was speak, I smile again, and.. Yep, wave. We nodded at eachother as he finished putting on his glasses. His security guards whisked him up and he was gone, forever. I b-lined for the bathrooms where I stared at myself in the mirror and exhaled. He nodded at me!!! Damn... My dream collaboration, remains a dream. Damn. That was a few years back, so Ive since let that go, kinda.. but, Damn.. Still trying to fathom a future with out the physical existence of the greatest performer of our generation. Damn. More for the fact that we lost a great one. And I don't want to say lost, because in someway he's still very much alive and well. Somewhere out there in some dimension. But damn, Prince was a real one. Through acts of generosity behind the scenes, his brilliant music and creative genius, Prince is and always will be, the purest definition and embodiment of true artistry. I've always looked up to him & strive to one day have just one ounce of an impact that you so very much instilled on the masses towards the betterment of humanity. Prince Rogers Nelson, you are loved, revered and are truly missed. Thank you for the light you've given the universe. Thank you, thank you, thank you. May you rest in Peace, In Purple Paradise.