Finding Purpose

Life has been asking me the deepest of questions lately. What is it all for? What does it all mean? What is life? Why am I here? What is my purpose? .. I have no clue. .. maybe I do but .. I’m not quite sure what it is at this moment in time.  

Have you ever seen or met those type of people that are so super driven?? They know exactly what they want and how to get it. They make all the right moves even when they make the wrong ones. They’re blessed with certainty and continued fortune. They can do no wrong, their lives a fantastic version of living this incarnation. Have you seen these people?? Have you met them? 

I’ve met a few awesome individuals like this. Some work their asses off, some, things have been handed to them. There’s no two alike, all situations are totally and completely different. But they’ve all “made it” in my eyes.

They’ve got their shit together, stability. Family, careers. It’s all very inspiring.

I try not to compare at all because everyone moves at their own pace BUT in comparison my life and its accomplishments have not lived up to the hype that I’ve pumped to myself for all these years. 

All I want to do is make it. But then I get wrapped up in the thought of making it. I get wrapped up in my failures, I get lost in my mind. And then I start to feel that I haven’t done anything with my life. 

Don’t get me wrong I’ve done a lot and have lived a lot and have seen a lot and could probably write a few awesome movies about my life’s events and a forsure kick ass autobiography someday but there’s a deep void inside. Maria’s home in the stars and I just don’t know what the hell is even real anymore.

I used to want to be on the silver screen and move people to want to make better decisions with their lives so that we all may grow and better our world for the future, but what’s the future?? It doesn’t exist anymore. All I’ve got is right now and right now all I’ve got is me. 

I’m not to happy with me right now, I’ve got nothing to show for nothing. So now I’ve gotta start to fill myself up in order to give the world what it is God wants me to give. That’s the only reason I’m still here and not walking on some beach in heaven with my love.

So what is “making it”? Let’s define those terms. “Making it” for me used to mean one thing to me, now it means something completely different. Let’s define the now. In my eyes “making it” means the ability to walk the earth without the pressures of life at hand. By this I mean, do what you want to do, live how you want to live, work how you want to work, monetizing whatever endeavor you put your heart into, being an inspiration to those around you, lifting up your family, friends and community, making an impact in peoples lives, tasing a family, creating, etc. In short, having the Midas Touch. That’s where I want to be. I want to monetize what I love to do with people I love to do it with. I’d love to be apart of projects that call to the human spirit. That awaken the collective consciousness towards building a world of peace for all. I want to make art. I want to build things. I want to plant. I want to teach. I want to heal. I want to save the world. I want world peace. Someday I hope to walk in that vibration of those who I aspire to. I have so much to offer the world. We’ve seen just the tip of the iceberg. There’s so much more underneath.