I’ve struggled lately with the idea of happiness.
Since Maria’s transition, I’ve been nothing near happy but recently, that is beginning to change.
Maria loved me when I was happy.
I loved being happy.
I had so much more to offer the world.
Let’s face it, who loves a poop?
But the happiness left once she did and my light was gone.
For months I beat myself up,
I wallowed in self pity,
I suffered through a major depression,
But each day I kept waking up to face it again and again
I got to the point of absolute exhaustion
.. I was tired of being depressed
I couldn’t keep doing this to, myself.
Who have I become?
On the outside I’d put on the mask, and smile through it all.. “I’m ok”
But underneath i was empty.
Maria wouldn’t have it.
She would have never allowed me get so down.
How could I let myself get so down??
It’s all ok.
Really though, it is.
Everybody’s gotta go through something in this life, that’s just the way it is.
Things might get heavy BUT
There’s a way out.
A way UP.
Start putting energy into action.
There has got to be a point where you must take a stand, or a long hard look in the mirror and say: enough is enough.
I’m better than this. This sadness.
We did our best,
We loved our hardest,
We poured everything into it,
Our heart and soul,
Every last ounce.
Hold your head up high.
You fought hard.
You’re still fighting hard.
This doesn’t end, it just transitions into something else.
You should be proud.
In the face of all that terror, the despair, the hardships, the pain,
Our love burned on and still rages on throughout the cosmos till this very day
Not many people experience this.
Be proud, be thankful.
Be grateful you got the chance,
To hold her,
To love her.
To help each other on your way,
To reach the golden sun
We are angels.
She’s my angel.
We can all be angels.
Peace and Love Forever